Friday, November 23, 2007

Oh, for the good old days when people would stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money.

Happy Friday kids.

Please excuse my last post. It was made for Digg. Don't ask. Obviously I'm not pissed about tits on my Facebook. I wouldn't be pissed about tits if they showed up in an episode of Bob the Builder. Tits are awesome.

Now let me tell you about a holiday we call Thanksgiving. It is the day the Pilgrims sat down for dinner with the Indians. Then they raped them. Welcome to America. It is also a day where the whole country seems to forget its in the middle of what they call an "epidemic", and suddenly everyone supports obesity, including Russians. Since when do us Russians buy into American holidays? It only hit me this year that every Russian family I know is completely into Thanksgiving. I guess why wouldn't we, its a reason to take out the bottle. So lets see, your expected to overeat one day and go back to 100 Calorie Packs of nothingness and Diet everything the next. Or maybe you could lose the weight by trampling over people slightly more obese then you, Best Buy circular in hand, at 5am on Black Friday morning trying to score that HDTV you've been eying for $800, all but forgetting that your 3 months behind on the mortgage for your now devalued home, your 401k has tanked along with the market, you just lost $400 in online poker, and your job will probably be shipped off to India tomorrow.

So lets assess the situation:
  1. Your getting fatter, but your TV is getting skinnier so you can still fit in the same room.
  2. The room itself is worth 5 times less today then it was 4 years ago.
  3. Channel No. 5 will soon be cheaper per gallon then gasoline.
  4. A man named Arjun Gupta is going to be doing your job for 1/5th the pay tomorrow.
  5. The Brits are taking over Woodbury and FAO Shwartz because 1 Pound can now get you 2 Dollars. Foreign buyers are even getting special private shopping times because they account for 1/3 of total sales at FAO.
  6. Iraq... well you already know about Iraq.
  7. Hillary Clinton had a lesbian affair with her Muslim aide while Barack Obama told kids that he did drugs.
  8. Dumbledoor is gay.
  9. You found out, after a year of wet-dreams, that Vanessa Anne Hudgens has a bush.
  10. Japanese dolphin hunters are after Hayden Panettiere.
  11. You could wear a t-shirt outside yesterday and still be in denial about global warming.
  12. Did I mention the Brits taking over the first toy store I ever went to in America? SAVE FAO SHWARTZ!
The good news? My birthday is in a week, I just found out my new watch is on its way from Italy, and my stock portfolio keeps steadily climbing.

What are you gonna do? To quote Hank Moody quoting the Clash "should I stay or should I rock the casbah?"

I think I'll stay and I think I'll like it. C'est la vie.

I also just spent about 30 minutes looking for a good song to recommend only to realize that theres nothing good out there and you should really just keep listening to Don't Stop by Journey. If your in the mood to stop the world, try Let Go by Frou Frou.

Sweet dreams kids.

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